The movie Into the Wild to me is a really good example of the topics that we have discussed throughout this year: Diversity, Conformity, Individuality, (Animal Ethics included). I referenced the film in my P1 about how I someday hope to be able to find the strength to be my own person and give some clarity to the meaning of life. The latter of this has been something that I have given a lot of attention to, and recently have started questioning the correctness of such worry.
This year I have learned a lot about what it means to be an individual amid a sea of other humans trying to better themselves through obtaining higher education. Like Siddhartha, “I have gotten to know people and places, I have received kindness and trust, I [too] have found friendship” (66). As I focus my writings more and more on understanding myself fully through my relationships with other people, it has become apparent (to me) that maybe I am a much more superficial person than I seem to think. I had one of those ‘mindboggling’ conversations with two of my friends a couple weeks ago about how each of us viewed human existence and the reality of life. I noticed that I kept “wanting to live, to act, ad to enjoy [life] instead of just standing by as a spectator” (69), while my friends tended to go along for the ride, benefitting from this greater spectacle. At times I don’t know which is the more mature of the two choices, or why I even need to know.
I found the section of Siddartha entitled ‘With the Childlike People’ very interesting. Siddhartha, this docile, seemingly omnipotent individual comes out of hermit-like life into contemporary society that does not know exactly what to think of him. Upon meeting Kamaswami, a town merchant, Siddhartha is questioned about his decision to live a life without possession to which he answers “Everyone takes… everyone gives what he has. The warrior gives strength, the merchant gives merchandise, the teacher gives lessons, the farmer rice, the fisherman fish” (62). I have always felt that I have something within me to give the world. I know it sounds corny, but I feel what I have to offer people is something I am compelled to do, yet I do not even know what it is I possess that others don’t. Its possible that this too is my superficial view of the world, but it is what motivates me to be the best I can, and find some substantial grounding for life.
The fact that no one does know precisely why we live has always been a hard pill for me to swallow, and I wonder if I have been trying to conceive of this grander image of the world and the life I am waiting for, while “life [has] passed by without touching me”. Most of the time I blame my uncultured past for this insatiable need for more, and is why I am planning to experience more this summer by figuring out a way to spend my three and a half months probing my inner being for answers.
Our discussion of Eastern religions and traditions has given me insight on how to approach mitigating my view of defining existence. Instead of worrying like a westerner about the “presence of what is at every particular moment” which only results in “a feeling of discontentment and emptiness” (285), maybe I can give more attention to practicing some of the laws of Ahimsa that provide strength, virtue and eventual realization without the need of analysis and approval.
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