I have spent the last twenty years of my life trying to figure out who I am in the world and the purpose for my existence. I don’t think that I am going to be able to define myself in terms that others will completely understand today, but for the first time, I do believe I have found coherence in my being. I, Benjamin Stelly, am a product of the stimuli found within the world around me. In particular, I find the intimate, personal connections with those around me the predominate source of who I am.
The video I put together is a compilation of short video clips and pictures of individuals who have influenced me the most over the last year. Each person has a designated group they belong to (i.e. family, high school friends, theater friends, and architecture friends) and a specified color: red, green, blue, and grey, respectively). The intent was to not only demonstrate how these people independently interpreted the question of “Who is Ben, or What does it mean to be Ben”, but also to provide a visual representation of the spherical influences of these assigned groups.
The first thing that I had each person do was complete the sentence “Ben is…” as concisely as possible. This limitation of brevity was placed to ensure that the word, or words, chosen fully articulated the essence of who I was in their eyes. Just to make it clear, this project was not for others to define who I was for me, but simply acknowledged that community and interpersonal relationships have been key determinants of my own self-actualization, as displayed in my goal and passion papers. Once I filmed each person, I asked them to paint a piece of the canvas in the color I designated for them. In a way I hoped that the creativity of the task allowed a freer explanation of the same question. For those who found deciding on a word difficult, painting was very simple, while others felt exactly the opposite. The last thing I had each person do was say the words “I am Ben” in order to explicitly state the intent of the piece: the people around me directly affect who I am, and each is a stroke and color of the larger painting. I am very pleased with how the final product turned out. These people who I have come to know mean more to me than the menial term of friend; they truly are a part of me.
I became intrigued by the concept of making this video for two reasons. First, in Brian Banks’ ethics paper (P3), he opened discussing how the different personalities around us are like pieces of a mosaic, and the beauty lies within the tolerance and acceptance of the different colored tiles coming together to form a work of art. My aim was to take a variation of this by implementing definitive guidelines: specified colors (although the final painting, however structured, is not comparable to a mosaic). The second source of inspiration I found was in a theory that I have been writing about since my senior year of high school. I wrote both my senior spring semester thesis and my college entrance exam essays on the quote by Louis McMaster Bujold who said, “My home is not a place, it is people”. I find these words just as, if not more, appropriate today as they were one year ago.
Twenty Years - Augustana
In the past year there have been more moments of joy, sadness, anger, and confusion (to only name a few) than ever before. However, I have never been so content with the way that I lead my own life to this day. I have learned time and again the importance of relationships whether they be familial or friendly, for these are the people who know me best, and the shared compassion determines the kind of life that we are able to pursue. I started the semester in my Voltaire’s Coffee having prepared reading Happiness: a History, a book that detailed the progressive nature of different cultures and their view regarding fulfillment and success. I left the discussion with a newfound sense of respect for others and a heightened awareness for personal maturation and individuality. We as individuals are given the gift of life, so fragile and precarious but full of hope and intrigue. The way that we chose to capitalize on this opportunity is - to me - our most definable trait.
My name is Benjamin Johnson Stelly. I am nineteen years old. I am love and hate. I am acceptance and repulsion. I am power and weakness. I am friend and enemy. I am dreamer and noncommittal. I am a contradiction. I am a hypocrite. But, above all, I am alive. I know that I will never be the best at any one thing, and that my flaws often times overshadow my talents. The people whom I surround myself with offer just as much insight into the person who I am as I can try to express with words. The intricacies of each personality sew the skin of my being, and their generous offerings of sharing their lives provide motivation for my existence. Each of my friends and family members paint with a different color and with a different brushstroke, but the canvas and the image that they have created is in essence: me.
Word Count: 900 (Approved by Bump)
Twenty Years by Augustana Lyrics:
Well I've been running from something
Twenty years in my car
Down a road that's leading me nowehere
Yeah we drive through the farmland
No one knows where we're from
Could I kiss you and make you a queen?
Or something in between
Do you want to see
The place where I am free?
Cos in my mind I need it
But you're nowhere near to me
Move to new york city
Take your woman by the hand
Leave her there with your things on the doorstep
And there's no way around it
Could this be our last dance?
So fall asleep with the tv darling
I'll be back again
Do you want to see
The place where I was free?
Cos in my mind I've been there
And there's no one here but me
In the morning it'll find you
Let the light shine away
Down a road that's leading me nowhere
And there's no way around it
Could this be our last dance?
Just fall asleep with the tv darling
I'll be back again
I'll be back again
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