The scene above is probably one of the cheesiest moments in cinematography, but nonetheless an important one. 2 minutes and 10 seconds into the clip Tom Cruise, who plays Jerry McGuire, a sports agent numb to emotional attachments makes a revelation that, I too, have realized. “We live in a cynical world” is what he says, and to paraphrase: we live in a world so of full of negativity that we are jaded by the slightest glimpses of happiness. Obviously, this does not apply to every individual, but has been something I notice on a daily basis in my life.
When I go to sleep at night, I often feel like Siddhartha “cultivating the seed of discontent within himself… feel[ing]… love wouldn’t make him happy forever, wouldn’t bring him peace, satisfy him, and be sufficient for all time” (7). This feeling of discontent has been present in my life as long as I can remember. No matter where I am, or what I have done, obtained, or accomplished, that feeling of success is not enough. As I look back upon my waking hours I find a trend, and an answer for why this may be: negativity is omnipresent. In studio, as Russell made me aware last week, countless hours are WAISTED belittling others, or cursing the existence of teachers and the useless projects that are assigned. Back in my dorm, I find it hard to enjoy myself because of having to accommodate my space in order to share a room, or whenever I am with friends, there are always problems. As in Siddhartha’s case, “everything [is] a lie, everything stank, everything stank of lies, everything feigned meaning and happiness and beauty, and yet everything was decaying while nobody acknowledged the fact. The world tasted bitter, life was agony” (16). As much as I try to tell myself that I am positive, I have constant reminders around me that prove that optimism false. Saturday, I was talking to a friend who goes to a different university, and without realizing it, I began to undermine what they had to say, and constantly say things just to feel better about myself. Today (in studio of course) I was told directly that I complain too much. There was a time that I was fun to be around, and I wonder if I have lost the capacity to enjoy and entertain.
I make this my formal apology to the world and those around me; I WILL CHANGE! As the chance to define myself in p4 approaches, I beg the question: What will make me happy, Who Am I? As Siddhartha embarks upon his task to better himself he searches similar things. The realization he comes to is “the ancient spring must be found in one’s own self; one must own it! Everything else [is] just a search, a detour; it [will] go astray” (9).
Friday, I went to a yoga class for the first time in 8 months. As the end approached I found myself not wanting it to be over; Friday, I was reminded of the days that I was content. I routinely did yoga throughout my senior year of high school, and attribute a great deal of my sanity to it. That hour I am forced to relinquish my body and mind from the trivial, miasmic negativity in my life. I am in no way justifying my laughter and mockery of our class’ meditation practices, for I have found grounding in it. Yoga is a gentle recognition of the “radiance of clear thought” that I have begun to find (5). I felt like a Buddha again, able to “meditate this deep disease of life, what its far source and whence its remedy. So vast a pity… such wide love… such passion” (X241). To me, the world is not that bad, but for some reason I cannot help myself but to focus on the negative and be irritable. I do not want that to be the statement I make on the world, for it has so much to offer. Just as Russell criticized Siddhartha, I think that Govinda makes a similar claim: the world, although mundane at times is a spiraling upward circle, not to be rested upon but to climb (20).
8 a.m. tomorrow I return to studio a changed person. Architecture is the study of the purpose driven art, and will once again be not a fountain of jeering language and wasteful words, but, as Siddhartha is awakened he realizes a world of beauty and color. There IS a “purpose for there to be here yellow, here blue, there sky, there forest, and here” Ben “on the path to himself” (40). Life is cynical at its roots, but this is not the focus. Individuals have the ability to choose the path on which they roam, and the attitude one has greatly influences the mirage. Don’t panic, we live in a cynical, though beautiful world.
Dont Panic - Coldplay
Coldplay “Don’t Panic” Lyrics
Bones, sinking like stones,
All that we fought for,
Homes, places we've grown,
All of us are done for.
And we live in a beautiful world,
Yeah we do, yeah we do,
We live in a beautiful world,
Bones, sinking like stones,
All that we fought for,
And homes, places we've grown,
All of us are done for.
And we live in a beautiful world,
Yeah we do, yeah we do,
We live in a beautiful world.
Here we go, here we go
And we live in a beautiful world,
Yeah we do, yeah we do,
We live in a beautiful world.
Oh, all that I know,
There's nothing here to run from,
'Cause everybody here's got somebody to lean on.
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